Mai apko kesa lagta hun… ??
Miss:so sweet..
Baccha: To phir mai apne ammi abbu ko
aap ke ghar kab bheju.. ??
Miss: wo q.. ??
Bacha:”q ki wo hamari baat aage chalaye..!
Miss: ye kya bakwas hai..?
Baccha:
.
.
.
.
Tution padhane ke liye ..!!
miss aap bhi na kasam se
TV dekh dekh ke kharab ho gayi hain…
..
Ek din Usy jungle se ek Sheesha mila.
sheeshe me usne khud ko dekha to
usko laga ke papa ki tasveer hai
..
Wo Usy apne ghar le gaya Or
Usse roz baaten krne laga….
..
Uski Biwi ko shak huwa.
Ek din uski gair mojudgi me
Usne Sheesha nikala or apna
aks dekh kr boli:
“Acha to ye hai wo Churail
jis se Mera Shohar baaten krta hy”.
..
Usne Sheesha apni Saas ko
dikhaya to Saas ne kaha:
“Koi baat nhi..! Budhi hy, jaldi marr jayegi”
———————————————————–
#ModiTakesCharge :
He will give our nation :
Uni-TEA
Equali-TEA
Safe-TEA
Prosperi-TEA
———————————————————–
Urban Dictionary has added a new word: ‘Congressed’ (verb, adj). It means getting fully, totally, irredeemably screwed.
Congress jokes !! Rahul Gandhi Jokes !!
Press any key to boot from CD !! Alia Bhatt: Where is any key ? Alia Bhatt and computer
Alia Bhatt and Arjun Kapoor !! Your Bank account blocked !! oh its k I thought Facebook account
More Alia Bhatt meme !!!
http://www.whatsapptext.com/search/label/AliaBhattMeme
Bush : Osama mile toh use fod do!!!
Gandhi : Hinsa achi baat nhi, use chod do!
Einstein : Samay rukta nhi, to use mod do!
Manmohan : sabhi gaon aur kasbo ki unnati k liye unhe road do!
Arnold Schwarzenegger : Biceps build karne k liye uspar load do!
Bill Gates : Windows unlock karne k liye use code do!
And d best 1
ACP Praduman : Daya, khuni andar hai me kehta hu darwaza tod do..
Zara Gaur Kijiye
Pehle Saal: Maine kaha ji, Khana kha lijiye, Aapne kaafi der se kuchh khaya nahin!
😀
Dusre Saal: Ji Khana taiyaar hai, Laga dun?
Teesre Saal: Khana ban chuka hai, Jab khana ho tab bata dena…!
Chauthe Saal: Khana banakar rakh diya hai, Main bazaar ja rahi hoon, Khud hi nikal kar kha lena.
😛
Paanchve Saal: Main kehti hoon, Aaj mujhse khana nahin banega, Hotel se le aao.
Chhathe Saal: Jab dekho Khana khana aur khaana, Abhi subah hi to khaya tha.
Shaadi ke baad Pati kaise badalte hain.. Zara gaur kijiye.
Pehle Saal: Jaanu, Sambhalkar.. Udhr Gadda hai…
Dusre Saal: Arey yaar dekh ke, Udhar Gadda hai..
😛
Teesre Saal: Dikhta nahin udhar gadda hai..
Chauthe Saal: Andhi hai kya, Gadda nahin dikhta??
Paanchve Saal: Arey udhar kidhar marne jaa rahi hai, Gadda to idhar hai…
Once a group of men decided to go for Tirth Yatra.
Their guide explained to them that they might see some ladies bathing in open and they should not get distracted at all.
When they see anything like that, they should just say HARI OM and move on.
Next day they started the yatra and one of the men in the group said:
‘HARI OM’ and rest of them said- KIDHAR HAI, KIDHAR HAI!
Choice of Women is so Important !!
Chai pe charcha ka results !!! Narendra Modi vs All !!!
Narendra Modi got 300 warrior !! Now time to Work !!
Please give him time before asking any question !!
Swagat nahi karoge hamara !!! Narendra Modi aa rahe hai Delhi !!
———————————————————-
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Hansa: praful
Agar pura bollywood loksabha election ke liye khada hua aur jeetkar bhi aaya to kya hoga?
Amitabh: Prime minister
Mallika and Bipasha: Cultural minister
Sunny Deol: Home minister
Salman: Road traffic minister
Aamir Khan: Social Development minister
Ekta Kapoor: Anti Superstition & Science minister
Katrina Kaif: Rashtriya bhasha development minister
Mahesh Bhatt: Foreign affairs minister
Shilpa Shetty: Anti Match Fixing ministry
Madhuri Dixit: Dental Health Minister
Bappi Lahiri: Gold and Coal minister
Akshay Kumar: Khel ministry
Sonakshi Sinha: Health Ministry
and
..
..
Sanjay Dutt: Anti-terrorism minister!!
perfect matching for all bollywood actor and actress !!
Ek baar Himesh Reshammiya aur Ravan aamne saamne aa gaye.
Himesh: Aap to Ramayan ke Ravan ho!
Ravan: Kaun ho tum?
Himesh: Mein ek singer hoon. (gana gakar sunata hai…oooo huzoorrr…tera tera tera sarrrooooor)
Ravan (khush hokar): Tum pehle kyon nahin mile? Mujhe tumhare jaise aadmi ki hi jaroorat hai.
Himesh: To iska matlab mera gaana aapko pasand aaya?!
Ravan: Nahin. Mera jo bhai hai Kumbhakarna, 6 mahine hue abhi tak soya hai. Use nind se jagana hai!!! Ab chalta hai ya uthake leke jau?!
Arnab Goswami: Alia, Who will win the elections?
Alia: Aam aadmi party because its ‘aam’ ka season
Arnab: What is the Capital of India
Alia: I
*facepalm*
———————————————————
Karan: Why did you intially reject ‘2 States’ before finally accpeting it later?
Alia: I was told that the movie would be named ‘2 States’, and I was like, look, lol I am not that dumb. I know there are three states – solid, liquid, gas.
Latest jokes on Alia Bhatt !!!
Husband:”Jab wo aaye to kitchen me 1 bartan girana,
Me pochu to kehna KORMA gir gaya.. .
Phir dosra bartan girana, kehna BiRYANi gir gai..
fir Me kahuga chalo Daal hi le aao…
.
Mehmano k aane k bad Bartan girne ki awaaz aai.. .
Husbnd:”Kya hua.. ??
.
.
.
.
.
.
Wife: “maa bahen ek hogayi….. BC Daal hi gir gai ..
IMPROVE YOUR G.K.
1. National Sister- Mamta Banerjee
2. National Girlfriend- Sunny Leone
3. National Tension- Salman Khan’s Marriage
4. National Bachelor- Rahul Gandhi
5. National Dehshat- Sequel of Ra.One
6. National food- Kasam
7. National Struggler- Abhishek Bachchan
8. National Judge- Archana Puran Singh
9. National Mom- Sonia Gandhi
10. National Jamaai- Robert Vadra
11. National Book- Face Book
12. National Robot-Manmohan Singh
13. Natonal Bank- Swiss Bank
14. National God- Sachin Tendulkar
15. National Show- Comedy Nights with Kapil
16. National Tiger- Narendra Modi
17: National Time Pass: Whatsapp
Ramesh aur Suresh ka interview tha
First Ramesh went for the interview
Q: Taleem?
Ans: B. A.
Q: INDIA kab Azaad hua?
Ans: koshish pehle se chal rhi thi par 1947
Q: AMERICA ka pm kaun hai?
Ans: bahut aaye aur gaye lekin ab OBAMA hai
SURESH ye sab sun raha tha usne teeno answers yaad
kar liye
1- B.A.
2- 1947
3- Obama
ab SURESH interview dene pahuncha
Q: Naam?
Ans: B.A.
Q: Kab paidaa hue?
Ans: koshish bahit jari thi par 1947
Q: Baap ka naam?
Ans: waise to kitne aaye aur gaye lekin ab obama hai!!
whatsapp jokes
Papa- Aage kya karna hai..??
Honhar Beta: Bas, 10th me 97% Aa Jaye, to 2 Saal ki Tutions & then IIT, Fir Ek Saal ki aur Mehnat karke IIM me Jaunga, 20 Lacs Kaafi Hoga Shuruaat ke liye!!
.
.
Nalayak Beta: Bas Iss Baar 10th Ho Jaye to Roadies se Bike Jeet ke launga, Fir Splitsvilla se Aapki Bahu!
Emotional Atyachar se Uska Character Certificate!
Achi Nikli to Theek,
Nahi to Kahaani Repeat!!! 😀
Alok Nath has replaced Rajnikant and CID jokes and all memes!!
Enjoy these, Like n Share!
1. When alok nath was born, doctor said “badhai ho, babuji hue hain”
2. Alok Nath school mein bhi lunch box ke badle Prasad le jaya karte the
3. Alok Nath temple run bhi chappal utar kar khelte hain
4. Alok Nath has no friends because he turns “Dosti into Rishteydaari”
5. Alok nath is so sanskari that he smokes agarbattis.
6. Alok Nath celebrated bachelor party in Vaishno Devi.
7. Alok Nath had all senior citizen privileges since he was 6 years old.
8. The only two wars Alok Nath has seen in his life.- Haridwar and Pariwar
9. Alok Nath has such a personality that sometimes his wife calls him bhaisahab!
10. Alok Nath was the first person to call Parle as ParleG
11. In school days, Alok Nath bunked a lecture to attend his daughter’s wedding.
12. Alok Nath has never received salary , he always receives pension
13. Alok Nath reads “All Indians are my brothers and sisters” as “All Indians are my Samdhans and Samdhis”.
14. Alok Nath is someone who is worried about Kanyadaan of the Girl who is yet to be born!
15. Alok Nath’s WhatsApp shows : “Last seen doing Kanyadaan at …”
16. When you type Alok Nath on Google search, “I’m feeling Lucky” changes to “I’m feeling Sanskari”
17. Alok Nath wants Facebook to add ‘Aashirwad’ button.
18. Alok naths morning tea is made with Gangajal
19. Alok naths watch displays only Achchha and Bura Samay
20. Alok Nath convinced Sunny Leone to quit porn.!
21. Alok Nath’s Caller Tune is ‘Babul ki Duaayein Leti Jaa…’
Alok_Nath_bet-ka-kanyadan-jokes
Alok Nath CV Reads as:-
Degree- MBA in Kanyadaan
Skills- Sanskaar
Experience- 10022848 Kanyadaans done
Hobby- Giving Ashirwads!
Unique Relation of Brother&Sister –
After end of fight “Tune shuru kiya tha”
When one of them get scolding “Maza aya?”
When Sister got to know about Bro’s Gf “Batade warna sabko bata dungi”
When Bro got to know about Sis’s Bf “Abhi salle ko bata k aata hu”
When Bro is going for Date “Mast impression jamaiyo bhai”
At Bros marriage “Bhabhi, bhai bhaut tang karta hai”
At Sis’s marriage “Aur meri behan ko tang kiya toh bas tu samaj lena”
This special Love between Bro & Sis make this Relation the best in the World
Prove that 2/10=2
Japanese student: Wrong question.
Pakistani student: No Way.
American student: It’s strange, how is it possible
Indian Rajnikant solved it:
Two / Ten
=wo/en
(T with T cancel)
w = 23rd letter
o = 15th letter
e = 5th letter
n = 14th letter
So,
23+15 / 5+14
= 38 / 19
= 2
Maths ka itihaas hila dala.
RASCALA MIND IT
Shaadi Ke baad Patni Kaise badalti hai… Zara Gaur Kijiye
Pehle Saal: Maine kaha ji, Khana kha lijiye, Aapne kaafi der se kuchh khaya nahin!
Dusre Saal: Ji Khana taiyaar hai, Laga dun?
Teesre Saal: Khana ban chuka hai, Jab khana ho tab bata dena…!
Chauthe Saal: Khana banakar rakh diya hai, Main bazaar ja rahi hoon, Khud hi nikal kar kha lena.
Paanchve Saal: Main kehti hoon, Aaj mujhse khana nahin banega, Hotel se le aao.
Chhathe Saal: Jab dekho Khana khana aur khaana, Abhi subah hi to khaya tha.
Shaadi ke baad Pati kaise badalte hain.. Zara gaur kijiye.
Pehle Saal: Jaanu, Sambhalkar.. Udhr Gadda hai…
Dusre Saal: Arey yaar dekh ke, Udhar Gadda hai..
Teesre Saal: Dikhta nahin udhar gadda hai..
Chauthe Saal: Andhi hai kya, Gadda nahin dikhta??
Paanchve Saal: Arey udhar kidhar marne jaa rahi hai, Gadda to idhar hai…
😀 😛
———————————————————
Principal: School ka time 8 baje ka tha or tum 9 baje aa rahe ho?
Little cute Sardar student: Sir tussi na mera intezar na karya karo, school shuru kar diya karo.
—–
Boy: Mom, please give me a glass of water,
Mom: You come and drink.
Boy: please Mom.
Mom: if you repeat, i’ll slap u.
Boy: When you come to slap me, plz bring the water….. 😀
—–
Teacher: What is your mother’s name?
Kid: Kabhi naam nahi puchha,
Bas.. pyar se MAA kehta hu .
—–
Nursery ke student ne Exam sheet pe SUSU kar Diya.
Teacher: Ye kya kiya hai?
Student: Mummy ne kaha tha ki Pehle jo aa raha ho wahi karna!.. LOL 😀
—–
Dukandar se Chota Baccha:
Uncle rang gora karne wali Cream hai..
Dukandar: Haan hai..
Baccha: To lagata kyun nahi, main roz tujhe dekhkar darr jata hu… 😛
—–
Beta: Papa, aap jaise mujhe marte ho, vaise Dadaji bhi apko marte the kya?
Papa: Bilkul marte the
Beta: Toh yeh khandani gundagardi kab tak chalegi..??
—–
A Cute Sentence Written By A Child On His Maths Book:
“Dear Maths! Please Grow Up & Start Solving Your Problems Yourself..
I Have My Own Problems!” 🙂
Ek din ek ladke ki girlfriend ka BIRTHDAY tha..
Boy was not in the city,
So he ordered 20 RED ROSE for his girlfriend.
He called her up,
Dear maine tumhare liye utne ROSE bheje hain jitni saal ki tum ho gayi ho!
While delivering florist thought,
Ye aaj ka mera sabse achchha customer hai,
Chalo ise 10 ROSE FREE mein de deta hoon,
So he gave 30 instead of 20!
.
Aur aaj tak ladka nahi samajh paya ki uska BREAK-UP kyu hua o_O 😀
Samaz me aya !! Thoko comment !!
whstapp jokes
Wife ne apni Maa ko phone kiya:
Mammy mera unse jhagda ho gya hai,
main 3-4 mahino ke liye ghar aa rahi hoon….
Maa ne aisa jawab diya, ki chaunk jaoge..!!
Wife ki Maa boli:
Jhagda us kambakhat ne kiya he toh saza bhi use hi milni chahiye,
Tu wahin ruk main 5-6 mahine ke liye aa rahi hoon.. 😀
whatsapp jokes
This is real story from Delhi.
Ek ladka aur Ek Ladki ek dusre se bahut pyaar karte the…
Lekin ek din Ladki ke baap ko pata chal gaya, usne gusse mein Bijli se chalne wali aari ko, ladke ki Gardan par rakha diya.
Wo aari ladke ki gardan ko kaatne hi wali thi ki achanak light chali gayi…
Aur paas mein khadi ladki chillayi..
Agar Sachcha hai Aapka Pyaar
To Sath Hai Dilli / Delhi Sarkar!!! 😀
whatsapp funny jokes love
A girl fell down from the 20th floor..
A boy caught her on 15th floor and asked her “Will you hug me?”
She replied, “of course not”
The boy dropped her,She was caught on the 10th floor by a boy
He asked her “will you kiss me?”
She replied “No way”
He dropped her too,
She prayed for a last chance, Boy held her on the 5th floor She immediately said, “Okay I will hug you and kiss you”
The boy dropped her saying, “Bad Girl, you better Die”
MORAL: EVERY BOY IS NOT THE SAME…!!
—————
Search for ‘Bewakoof’ gags on Playstore and share laughter with your friends and family!!
Kahin Toh Hoga, Koi Toh Hoga
Jo Pukarta Hoga Mere Naam Ko
Inn Wadiyon Se Puchti Hoon
Uske Ghar Ka Pata
Koi Toh Hoga Iss Jahan Mein
Jo Mujhe Bhi Dhoonta Hoga Apni Yaadon Mein
Koi Toh Hoga Jo Karta Hoga Mera Bhi Intezar
Koi Toh hoga Jo Hoga Mere Liye Bhi Beqarar
Jiska Dil Bhi Dhadakta Hoga Mere Dil Ke Saath
Woh Manzil Bhi Mujhe Pukarti Hogi
Woh Raaste Bhi Mujhe Dekhte Honge
Koi Toh Hoga Jinki Baahon Ko Hoga
Sirf Mera Hi Intezar
Ki Jalti shama ke sath jalne maja kuch aur hai
Yun to raat taro bhari bhi khoobsurat hoti hai
Ho sath chandni ke chand to maja kuch aur hai
Phulon ki khushboo se mahke hai gulshan kai
Ho jab us khushboo se nasha maja kuch aur hai
Tu mere sath nahi hai phir bhi mere sath hai
ho jab tere bhi aise halat to maja kuch aur hai
Bana Lein ge Tumhein Apna Zara Tum Sabr To Karlo,Mujhe Duniya Se Larrna Hai Zara Tum Sabr To Karlo,
Tumhare Bin Kisi Ko Sochna Mumkin Nahi Jana,
Yeh Jeewan Tum Bin Adhoora Hai Zara Tum Sabr To Karlo,
Yeh Duniya Chhorr De Mujhko Mujhe Parwah Nahi Iski,
Faqat TumKo Hi Pana Hai Zara Tum Sabr To Karlo,
Tum Apne Dil Ki Basti Mein Mujhe Aabad Hi Rakhna,
Bohat Bardasht Hai Mujh Mein Zara Tum Sabr To Karlo…
Roshni ka nisab lgti ho
tum mujhe aftab lgti ho
gul sa chehra chupa k anchal me
khushbuon ka hijab lgti ho
apne lab ki haseen sitron se
shairi ki kitab lgti ho
sari duniya ka husn dkha hy
ab b tum lajwab lgti ho
tm ko chaha hy tot kr me ne
kachi umron ka khwab lgti ho
monfarid is trhan ho kaliyon me
koi khila gulab lgti ho..
Toh Phir Husn-o-Ishq Ki Baat Ho,
Kabhi Main Milon Kabhi Tu Miley,
Kabhi Hum Milein Mulaqat Ho,
Kabhi Tu Ho Chup Kabhi Mein Hoon Chup,
Kabhi Dono Hum Chup Chaap Hoon,
Kabhi Gaftugu, Kabhi Tazkare,
Koi Zikar Ho, Koi Baat Ho,
Kabhi Wisal Ho Toh Din Ko Ho,
Kabhi Hijar Ho Toh Woh Raat Ho,
Kabhi Main Tera Kabhi Tu Meri,
Kabhi Ik Dujay K Hum Hoon,
Kabhi Sath Main Kabhi Sath Tu,
Kabhi Ik Dujay Ka Sath Ho,
Kabhi Jeet Ho Kabhi Maat Ho,
Kabhi Phool Ho Kabhi Dhool Ho,
Kabhi Yaad Ho Kabhi Bhool Ho,
Na Nashaib Hon, Na Faraz Hon,
Na Zameen Ki Koi Na Falak Ki Koi,
Na Hi Wajood Ho na Hi Zaat Ho,
Sirf Tera Husan Ho Mera Ishq Ho,
Meri Aankh Ho Teri Zaat Ho…..!!!!
जिसकी धुन पर दुनिया नाचे, दिल एक ऐसा इकतारा है,
जो हमको भी प्यारा है और, जो तुमको भी प्यारा है.
झूम रही है सारी दुनिया, जबकि हमारे गीतों पर,
तब कहती हो प्यार हुआ है, क्या अहसान तुम्हारा है.
जो धरती से अम्बर जोड़े , उसका नाम मोहब्बत है ,
जो शीशे से पत्थर तोड़े , उसका नाम मोहब्बत है ,
कतरा कतरा सागर तक तो ,जाती है हर उमर मगर ,
बहता दरिया वापस मोड़े , उसका नाम मोहब्बत है .
Mana Wo chor gaye Apne nishaan to magar,
Uske peeche jaaon main kyu, Koi wajah to ho..
Main jaaoon to knhi rook jayein wo kya pata,
Wo laut ke aa jaye knhi aisa na ho…
Us se har pal Khush rahne ka wada hai yun to,
Uski yadoon ke Gulisatn ki mahak taza hai yun to,
Jise Bhoolne ki ho rhi har mumkin koshish Idar,
Wo yaad na ajaye knhi Aisa Na ho..
Hai mahol me kashish aur waqt ashiqui ka hai,
hai Nazar ke saye aur surrur Mehfil ka hai,
Hai har paimane pe yun to naam kisi shaks ka,
aaj main peyoon aur badnaam wo ho jaye knhi aisa na ho……
Main jaaoon to knhi rook jayein wo kya pata,
Wo laut ke aa jaye knhi aisa na ho…
Wo Titlion ko Talash Kerti..
Wo Gol Chehra Wo Kali Aankhain..
Jo Kerti Rehti Hazaar Baatain..
Mizaj Saada Wo Dil Ki Achi..
Wo Aik larki..
Wo Mohabbaton K Nisaab Janay..
Wo Janti Hai Ehad Nibhanay..
Wo Achi Dost Wo Achi Saathi..
Wo Aik Larki..
Wo Jhootay Logon Ko Sacha Samjhay..
Wo Saari Duniya ko Acha Samjhay..
Wo Kitni Saada Wo Kitni Pagli..
”Wo Aik Larki’…
Har jagah ye ehsaas hota hai ki mana rahe ho tum Humein.
Tere-mere darmiyaan sirf ho ek paani ki boond…..
jise chookar ye lage ki sardi ki oos ka apna ek alag hi Ehsaas hota hai…
Kehne ko to har lamhaa kiya tha naam uske iss Dil ne,,,
Sirf chand lamhoon ka faasla hi taye nahin kar paaye hum…
Hum kehna jo bhi chahte they wo alfaaz aaaj ruk gaye……….
Kyonki Dil ko laga ki Kitni door se chalkar mera pyaar aaj aaya hai….
Kuch Aise Mere Paas Aati,.
Uski Sohbat Mein Doob Gaya Main,.
Chaand Sitaaron Mein Kho Gaya Main,.
Baat Kare To Khush Kar Jaaye,.
Uske Bagair Ab Jeeya Na Jaaye..
Phoolon Si Wo Nazook Lardki..
Hai Raahat Is Bachain Dil Ki,.
Pariyon Ki Fitrat Usme Basi Hai,.
Wo Lardki Nahi Zindagi Meri Hai,.
Apne haathon ki lakiron mein basa le mujhko
main hoon tera toh naseeb apna bana le mujhko,
Mujhse tu puchne aaya hai wafa ke maani
ye teri saadaa-dili maar na daale mujhko,
Khud ko main baant na daalun kahin daaman-daaman
kar diya tune agar mere hawaale mujhko,
Waada phir waada hai main zehar bhi pee jaaoon
shart ye hai koi baahon mein sambhaale mujhko.
कही जखम तो कहीं पीठ पर खंजर क्यों है?
सुना है कि तू हर जर्रे-जर्रे में रहता है..
तो फिर जमी पर कहीं मस्जिद और मन्दिर क्यों है?
जब रहने वाले इस दुनियां के है तेरे ही बन्दे..
तो फिर कोई किसी का दोस्त और कोई दुश्मन क्यों है?
तू ही लिखता है जब सवका मुकद्दर…
तो कोई बदनसीब और कोई मुकद्दर का सिकंदर क्यों है?